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Category Archives: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice, wedding dress shopping

Dear Bridesmaid With A Toddler

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Another letter in our series is from a bride to one of her bridesmaids. Much time has passed and Bride now has a Toddler of her own, but still hopes others will listen and learn!

Dear Bridesmaid,

We have been friends for years and I am grateful you said Yes to standing for me at my wedding. I was honored to do it for you as well. The difference: I did not have a child.

Thinking back to shopping for my dress and the maids dresses, the memories should be joyful. Instead mine are mixed with regret, stress, and anxiety because of Toddler.

I asked everyone to join me to shop for my dress and asked those with children to please have hubby/mom/sitter watch them since it was a full day and traveling to multiple stores with a girl’s day lunch planned. You couldn’t find anyone so Toddler joined us.

All I remember is you chasing Toddler at every store, the staffs of each asking you to please not let Toddler run through the dresses, grab headpieces, smear mirrors, and one asked you to take Toddler outside because of the crying and wailing. My other maids tried to help entertain Toddler which wasn’t what I wanted them to do, but they tried. When Toddler needed a diaper change other brides/groups were uncomfortable but polite about it.

I was upset and embarrassed. I could barely concentrate. We had lunch (also not what I expected with a highchair, goldfish being smashed, the sippy cup being thrown over and over) and I said yes at the next store without even going to the last appointment. I loved the dress, but I really wanted it over with. My anxiety was off the charts and my mom was very angry with you. I cried on the way home.

I booked the maid appointment months in advance with the same request for a sitter. Once again you couldn’t find one. I offered to do your appointment separately when you could find someone but you seemed offended and said it would be fine. It wasn’t fine, it was a disaster. While the staff mopped up the coffees that Toddler immediately knocked over, you were busy chasing and picking Toddler up while Toddler screamed to get down. Toddler ran into random dressing rooms with another bridesmaid group in them and you were surprised that they got mad at you. Toddler eventually sat still for a short time blasting Elmo at volume level 10 on an iPad. I will never forget how uncomfortable this was for everyone, yet you thought it was fine.

Fast forward and I now have a squirmy Toddler of my own. That’s how they are and it isn’t Toddler’s fault for being placed in stores where they should not be! Guess what I will never do?!

With love but regret that I did not handle this differently,

A Considerate Parent AND Bridesmaid

Do you have a letter that you would like to write to someone regarding your wedding? Do you have any advice for future brides or bridesmaids? Email us for an anonymous publication in our blog series!

Mother of the Bride/Groom, Relationship Advice, wedding planning

Dear Future Mother-In-Law

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Dear Future Mother-In-Law,

I cannot wait to marry your son. I love him with my whole heart. Since getting engaged I have been on Cloud 9 and it’s been a whirlwind of exciting decisions and appointments, many of which we have been fortunate to have your opinion and knowledge to help guide us.

We are grateful that you are involved in our wedding planning and want you to continue to be, however, I need you to understand that ultimately this is our wedding and some details are not up for debate. One of them is that you do not get to choose what your son wears when he marries me.

You have mentioned on numerous occasions that you know him best and how he always looks so handsome in this particular color. I think he looks handsome in any color, but the one you continue to insist he wears does not go with our color palette.

This detail already seems to be causing drama in the family. I prefer not to have this stress, but please understand he will be wearing what we have already agreed on. You can choose whatever you would like my future Father-In-Law to wear! We want him to feel great on that day so all options are open. Your son, my groom, is going to wear what we have already decided. Again, I ask you to please respect our decision.

I hope we can move forward with this understanding and look forward to more planning together with you for our wedding day!

With thanks,
Your future Daughter-In-Law

This has been such an interesting series! Brides are writing in to us with some great advice, stories, and wishes. We just started a few weeks ago, and you can read the last one here!

Relationship Advice, wedding dress shopping

Mom, She Wants Your Opinion

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Few situations are as important to a girl as choosing her wedding dress, and few opinions matter more to her than her Mom’s.

While this is not true in every case, our experience shows it is in an overwhelming majority. Let’s dive into this crazy dynamic of mother-daughter shopping for a wedding dress.

Regardless of who else bride brings to the appointment – sister, best friends, grandmother, godmother, brother, father, wedding planner – the bride will ask, “What do you all think?” The opinions fly, the bride gets confused, the stylist regains control by refocusing the bride in the mirror. The next question is always, “Mom, what do you think?”

To me, this is one of the sweetest moments.

There are four ways this is answered:

  1. “I love it!”

Some moms love pretty much every dress her daughter tries on. It is so cute to watch her excitement as she takes pictures and gushes. This doesn’t help the bride make her decision, but it definitely adds to the fun and excitement of trying on.

2. “I don’t like that at all.”

This dress is typically removed immediately. With this dress, the bride usually knows the response and tells us in the dressing room, “My mom isn’t going to like this.”

3. “Eh, it’s not my favorite but if you like it that’s all that matters.”

This is a great one, because we get to dive into ‘why’ it isn’t her favorite. Mom treads very lightly here, in case it is her daughter’s favorite. She doesn’t want to upset her or cloud her judgement. Nevertheless, the bride does want to know what her mom sees in this dress versus others.

4. “It’s your dress, I’m not giving my opinion.”

This is the worst answer a mother can give. Mom may think she is being helpful, but the bride needs her support – especially if there is a group giving opinions. When the bride asks everyone, and then specifically asks for mom, she needs her help. If mom won’t ever answer, the bride can’t get excited about any of them.

Why would this one opinion be so important to a bride?

TRUST.

Mom has known her daughter the longest, has felt the ups and downs of her daughter’s life harder than her daughter, has her back, and will never steer her in the wrong direction. Bride knows this and is relying on her.

This is not to say that the bride and mom have the same taste, they rarely do, but they both know when it’s the right dress.

It also doesn’t mean the bride won’t say yes to a dress that isn’t mom’s favorite. When mom gives her opinion and bride can weigh that out with her own, it is far more helpful than when mom won’t give any opinion.

The reason brides bring their mothers to this meaningful event is not only to share the experience, it is also for guidance, reassurance, and assistance. The stylist will help choose, answer questions, and give pros and cons, but mom’s approval of her choice is a weight off the bride’s shoulders.

Again this is not true in every case, some girls will come alone to choose their favorites and then bring Mom back to select from those. Some brides unfortunately don’t get along with or have lost their mothers and will bring a different trusted person and rely on him/her the same way.

Mom’s opinion definitely matters!

This is why we suggest limiting the group helping the bride shop. The number of opinions can be overwhelming when really it’s just one or two that truly matter and the most important opinion is the bride’s. So Mom, if she asks for your opinion, she really wants it. It doesn’t mean she’s going to listen to it (probably like she didn’t listen to you sometimes growing up…), but she definitely wants to know what you think because you matter very much. She wants your yes, so she can say yes!


Relationship Advice

Social Media: Is It Hurting Your Relationship?

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With most everything closed and everyone at home, we are on social more than ever. While I am on these platforms mainly for business purposes, I still come across the couple posts. You know the ones, the too-cute #couplegoals pics that can make you feel like your relationship is missing something:

  • You ordered take out but while your eating, you decide to check Instagram and it shows your friend drinking a glass of wine, looking adorable and super excited to be cooking together with her new boyfriend…
  • A cozy movie night at home is going great, until he checks his phone and you wonder if he’s bored with you and wishes he were with his friends…
  • Your partner is constantly checking his/her phone and you feel ignored…

Are you giving (or getting) a vibe that who and what you have isn’t enough? That’s damaging and needs to be worked out properly. If you are happy in your relationship then you want to be with your partner and not constantly on social media.

If you prefer to be on social media then you need to reevaluate your relationship.

If your relationship is doing well and you are happy then you need to do the following when you get that insecure feeling:

Stop comparing! If you have a great relationship that you continue to work on and improve (because you do, every single day), you are already the envy of others. You don’t need to post constantly because other opinions do not matter. You can, however, post some pics simply because you are proud and not because you are trying to create a phony image.

Pay attention! When you have quiet or special time with your love, give your full attention. Don’t pull out your phone when it will make him/her feel you are bored wishing you were elsewhere.

If your partner uses social media to a point that bothers you, you need to be very upfront and explain your feelings. The more open you are with each other the better your chances of a successful and happy relationship.

Don’t let Facebook ruin your relationship. You can use social media in a healthy and fun way, but make time for just the two of you. A great way to reconnect is to put those phones away for a certain time every day and do something together, just the two of you, like take a walk or make dinner. Let the others try to convince everyone how rock solid they are, while you sleep with a smile knowing you don’t need to bother!